1-1-12
Letting go. Praying for the best and preparing for the worst. Everybody has a breaking point and I hate to accept when I’ve reached mine however sometimes it takes being broke to be rebuilt. My spirit is strong but my flesh is weak. I may not always win the fight but the war is already over and I know where I stand. What Do I want? What Am I afraid of? It’s Me. I want control over something that I was never meant to control. I want to be apart of a place I was never meant to live. This is not my home. Things I always put so much effort into that really should not matter to me. I’ve wasted so much time on petty things. My lens has been off balance and out of focus on the wrong details of the picture. Things will come together I have no doubt of this but I will no longer sit and live to work for things I do not need. Two more months Micah. two more months. this is what I keep telling myself hoping for some kind of burst of energy and motivation that what I am doing is right. That at this point in time this is what I am meant to be taking care of when all it seems to be doing is driving me deeper in to a whole. I am not complaining. I am extremely thankful for the life I’ve been given and I will continue to try to live it the best way I know. continue to seek council before making decisions in stead of jumping in to things like I used to. I really do not know what I am trying to say with any of this. I guess in some sense I am still pretty confused on where I stand with a lot of things. What I do know is Big Changes are on the way and 90% of them will not be easy. Bring it on. I am not a quitter and I will not stand down from this. Break me. if that is what I need then I will encourage it. The song Where I Belong by Switchfoot has become a testimony of mine. One line in the song says: “Feels like we are just waiting, while our hearts are just breaking. Feels like we’ve been fighting against the tide. I wanna see the earth start shaking, I wanna see a generation finally waking up inside.” I do not think anybody will ever know how much it hurts to see many people my age and younger throwing their lives away on drugs and alcohol. 15 year old having sex and getting pregnant. This is my generation? This is what my world is like? I can only think about what the next one is going to be like. Scary thought when you think about what this world is coming to. This is where my heart breaks. Even more so when that is all they know. they’ve never been shown any different. Any Better. I want to see this earth start shaking and I want my generation to wake up and start making something of themselves. Start taking a stand for what they know is Right and Wrong outside their comfort zones. Show this world what it means to live. I’ve had the privilege of meeting such men and women and cannot tell you how thakful for the impact they’ve made on my life. It’s time we reach out to this nation and show them the love of Christ and that there is no need for them to go on this way anymore. that every life has a purpose and they are all meant for So Much More! That is my Passion. Like I said I really do not know where I am going with any of this but Facebook asked me what was on my mind and this was all weighing me down. I am not perfect. My life has exactly been easy but who’s has been? Anything you want to add or comments about anything I’ve said? you’re more then welcome to post them on here or message me
